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Family Life Center
24-Hour Crisis Hotline: 386-437-3505 or 1-800-500-1119
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Current Press Releases There is Help for Rihanna and Other Victims of Domestic Violence
Family Life Center continues valuable education to teens locally…
By - Diana Christen
For Immediate Release:
Bunnell, FL - When I read the police account of Chris Brown’s alleged attack on Rihanna, I thought about what I would say to my own 18-year old daughter and 16-year old son about this guy.
Celebrity domestic violence is sure to attract attention, but thousands of domestic abuse cases occur every day to all walks of life in this community and across this nation. In a 24-hour snapshot, the National Network to End Domestic Violence found that domestic violence programs served nearly 61,000 victims and answered more than 21,000 crisis hotline calls. There is help for Rihanna and other victims of domestic violence; they are not alone and it isn’t their fault. There are excellent national and local hotlines, safe shelters, counseling, legal assistance, and other services for survivors and their children.
As popular as it gets, a heartthrob for thousands of young girls in our nation, Brown, 19, a soul singer clean-cut and known as a romantic, finds himself recently charged with two felonies that could land him in jail for up to 4 years. His arraignment is scheduled on April 6, 2009. Brown was known as the “fastest rising R&B star,” just three years ago. In fact, his career has risen leaps and bounds in that time frame. Now, when his fame has taken a nosedive after the reports about his alleged abuse against Rihanna hit the national news. Robyn Rihanna Fenty, 21 whose stage name is Rihanna, is also a popular R&B star in her own right. She had been dating Brown for the past 18 months, when police said, the alleged attack occurred.
It allegedly started when she questioned him about his recent relationship with another woman. Brown blamed Rihanna for the alleged attack because she looked at his cell phone, abusers frequently blame their victims. In truth, no one is to blame but the abusers themselves. He reportedly became enraged and began punching her as they were driving in Hollywood. The blows to the face, caused Rihanna’s “mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and interior of the vehicle,” police officers said in a court document. The violent rage continued as they never made it home that night. Rihanna was left with a badly beaten and swollen face as she testified to the brutality of the attack. As I have read the stories in printed media, watched the story on television and read the blogs, etc. I can’t help but know that this story is very typical among teens in every community across this nation. Unfortunately, in the United States, research shows that one in four teen relationships have violence. This is at epidemic proportions and something must be done to protect our children.
Young women between the ages of 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence and are at the greatest risk of being beaten by a boyfriend or partner. I see this everyday and have for the past eight years, as I am the Executive Director of the local Domestic / Sexual Violence Center in Flagler County, Florida. There is no way to spot an abuser in a crowd, because most abusers share common characteristics. Potential Warning Signs include:
Any one of these behaviors may not foreshadow abusive actions, but it’s important to know the red flags and take time to explore them.
The Family Life Center has been committed to the issue of partner violence since 1987 and provides services such as Emergency Shelter, Crisis Counseling, Outreach Programs, Transitional Housing, Court Advocacy and Community Education. The Center educates and brings awareness to young men and women about the potential for abusive relationships that will impact their lives. We conduct free education presentations in Volusia and Flagler Counties that will expand their knowledge of prevention in violence; and raise their awareness of intervention services available by the Family Life Center’s Outreach and Shelter Programs for abuse victims.
Like a lot of young girls and guys in this nation, my children have followed Rihanna and Brown’s careers and are very familiar with the two stars. One thing we now talk about is not the songs they sing, or the fame they have, but the fact that no man should ever physically or verbally abuse a woman. And any man that strikes a woman once will almost certainly hit her again, if she doesn’t end the relationship quickly.
What I don’t think that my children and millions of other young people don’t know are the hard facts about domestic violence, which is about power and control of another. Domestic Violence is one of the most underreported crimes in America. Still, reports show that one in three women will become a victim in her lifetime. Most women endure five to seven beatings, like the one Rihanna experienced, before they are “willing to give up” on the relationship. This is a normal part of the process victims go through. “They believe that the loving part is the real man and the violence is just going to go away if they do what he wants them to do or if they love him enough.” In addition, “Women are still being socialized to ‘stand by their man’ no matter what, even for religious purposes . Of course a good woman wants to be viewed as loyal and supportive.” We as advocates know that leaving is not always the safest option - victims who leave their partners are just as likely to be re-abused as those who stay with their partners. The focus should not be on whether or not Rihanna stays in the relationship; the focus should be making sure that she knows all of her options and has a safety plan in place in the event that she finds herself further endangered. To some degree, I think that society is to blame when women stay in abusive relationships. The questions are always directed at the victims, such as: “Why did she stay?” “Why did she go back?” “Why did she stand by him?” Truth is society perpetuates this, as judgment of the victim sets in. No woman wants to be criticized, especially in public or in a courtroom. When are we as a society going to ask the real questions…. “Why did he hit her?” “Why doesn’t he have to leave?” “Why isn’t he in jail?” After all, battering, whether verbal or physical is never acceptable… in fact today it is a crime punishable by jail time. Why Victims Return to or Stay with their Abuser
For most men who abuse women, a second chance is too many. Although Brown has issued a public statement stating that he is apologetic and seeking counseling with his pastor, it does not subtract the pain he has caused to Rihanna. Nor does it excuse the crime that was committed. Love doesn’t hurt. If a man hits you once, he will do it again. It doesn’t matter what his plea is publicly or otherwise. Domestic violence usually progresses in an escalation approach. First it begins with name calling, known as verbal abuse, then continues in to physical abuse such as, pushing or shoving. Next is hitting and beating, that could ultimately end in death.
As a mother, I am grateful that agencies, such as the Family Life Center exist in our community, where my children or any child can seek help from the abusive relationship. Further, I am grateful that they can learn not only how to recognize that they may need help, but learn skills that will actually prevent the violence from occurring. When you’re talking to your children, they should understand that it’s ok to look up to celebrities for their talent, but those who have talent may not necessarily have healthy relationships. Love is based on respect and caring about someone. Caring for someone doesn’t mean hurting them; verbally, physically or otherwise.
On April 6-9, the Family Life Center’s staff will conduct approximately 60 presentations at Flagler Palm Coast High School focusing on dating violence. This is an annual blitz that the Center has participated in for the last several years. Exit questionnaires are given to the students and over 98% report that they have learned something and now know where to go locally to find help. On April 10th, the staff will conclude the week and participate in a school-wide Health Fair by distributing informational literature and be on hand to crisis counsel with the students and further answer their questions.
I wish all middle and high schools in Flagler and Volusia Counties were as proactive on this critical issue as FPC. With middle school students we can educate them as a prevention matter, but with high school students, it is usually an intervention. We hope to one day end the violence and end the pain that these young people are enduring.
Is it possible for Chris Brown to change? Yes, battering is a choice and we hope he will make the choice to change. Batterers change only when there are consequences and they accept responsibility for their actions. An abuser might stop physical violence, but begin to abuse in other ways – emotional, sexual, or financial. Is it possible for Rihanna to get help? Yes, just like any other survivor of domestic violence and dating violence, Rihanna should have access to people who support her, who will hear her out, let her talk through her pain, listen to her reasons for staying with Brown and for possibly leaving. Most of all, she needs to develop a safety plan in case she finds herself in danger again. More information on Domestic / Sexual Violence and Dating Violence can be found at: www.flcsafehouse.org or at 386-437-3505 - a 24 Hour Hotline. For free services or to schedule a free presentation call: 386-437-7747.
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Diana Christen is the Executive Director of the Family Life Center in Flagler County, a certified Domestic / Sexual Violence Center and Emergency Shelter. She is also an Expert in the field working with closely with Witness Justice, a National Network who provides Help and Healing to Victims of Violence. www.witnessjustice.org.
Florida and Other States on Teen Dating:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/24/teen.dating.violence/index.html#cnnSTCOther1
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Administration Phone: 386-437-7610
Outreach Office Phone: 386-437-7747
Fax 386-437-1243
Mailing Address PO Box 2058 Bunnell, FL 32110
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